Some time ago, one of my friends asked me if I wanted a specific song, I reacted in a way that did not communicate my true feelings.
I told my friend I was tired of love and my unsuccessful attempts at it and a permanent relationship.
But the truth is I am not bitter when it comes to love and relationships.
I have learnt a lot form all the guys I have been with.
Each has contributed significantly to my life.
They have each shown me something else that I want or don’t want in my life’s partner.
All the men in my life have contributed, not only my long list of X’s. Here are some of them.
My Dad- when we were younger he used to come to our house (he didn’t live with us) and walk us the mile to school every morning. He did this for about 14 years. From I was 6 or seven, till the youngest graduated from prep school. And he followed us to the bus stop to go to high school for the first few years too.
I want a man that will show such dedication to our children. One who won’t complain about waking up early to take them to school, and is willing to sacrifice what he wants/needs for them.
My brother- my only biological brother is so generous, I have not met a man as kind as he is. He takes after mommy. He will give all he has and do without. Even though he is an adult, he listens to mom, and even if he disagrees, he does so without being disrespectful. I love those things about him.
Kindness is about giving when you don’t have to spare, doing without so other people can have. I want a man that will give even if he leaves himself without. I want him to also respect his parents. I am not asking him to obey them, but listen to them, speak to them with respect and in the right tone of voice. He will through this show me respect and teach our children that respect has no age limit.
My Uncle C- He made something out of nothing. This uncle has lifted himself form the state of poverty that he was in, and little by little has made himself somewhat successful. However he now things he is superior to everyone and tries to make people feel small.
I want a man that will not wallow in self pity and poverty, but will aim for the skies. But when he reaches the skies, or the treetops, he must remember the path he took and from whence he came. He must remember that he was where others are now and not try to act like he is their better.
My Crazy Love- this guy was the first I had a crush on. We had a smile and call relationship (didn’t even hold hands). He is like my brother, he was so kind, he was always giving me things and leaving himself without. When the rest of his family lost respect for his mom, he stuck with her. It didn’t matter what everyone else thought.
I want a man that will not love or respect someone based on the actions of others, but understand that love is unconditional.
The Older Man- this guy was a good number of years older than me, I don’t know what he saw in a teenager (now that I think of it, he deserves straight prison). I am somewhat of a bossy person. And I bossed this guy around. If I say crawl- he went as low as possible, jump- he reached the skies. I had him wrapped around my finger (at this time I was young, beautiful and sought after).
This man had no backbone. I want an assertive man. One who will put his foot down when it’s that time? Yes, I don’t want him to do things that I want him to do sometimes. But what about what he wants? He must be able to stand up to me.
A good number of my x were this way…so I won’t bother mentioning them.
Mr. Sweet- Up to this very minute, this guy has been my sweetest boyfriend (another call-and-smile one). This guy invested hours on cell calls (from a landline) in our relationship. He wrote to me (I am a sucker for written stuff…whether it’s a letter or a poem). He made me cards. I felt really special.
I want a man who will find the time to sweet me up. To do all (or even a few) of these little special things to make me feel special and loved. There is nothing to me, like a love letter, a poem, a note from my guy (not even flowers or chocolate).
Mr. Desirable – this guy was the one I think I loved first- in retrospect- I am not so sure if what I felt was love. He was the first I felt sexual desire for. Mr. desirable however made me feel inferior, like I wasn’t enough for him. I was once privy to a conversation he had with a girl, flirting with her, and telling her he had six pack, muscles and what not. He didn’t have to try to impress me, I was great with what he had.
I want to feel desire for my life’s partner. I want to feel like I am an equal. He shouldn’t try to make me feel like he is superior in any way. Like I am not good enough for him. And he should not be lying to me to impress me. I must know and accept that what I see physically is what I want (plus I don’t really fancy muscle man-bleh).
The Flirt- There was this guy who claimed he was in love with me for years, we got together (I was not even aware that we were together) and I said something to hurt him. We broke up (I still wasn’t even aware of being in the relationship). Some time later he asked me to be with him…I was in an on/off thing with Mr. Desirable…and ask him to give me some time to tie up loose ends. He then said I hurt him again. Mr. Flirt wants everyone it seems. After many ups and down we got together, he flirted in front of me behind my back, ‘every frock tail him falla’ and sometimes I got hurt by his actions. And I learn from my mistakes.
My man must respect me and what we have and not try to hurt me. He should not be flirting with every girl he sees. This shows he doesn’t place any value on we have.
Mr. All about the Physical- At first I thought this guy was so sweet. Then I found out that he never liked fat girls before, but I am alright. I was pissed, he made it look like he was doing me a favour. I want no pity. If that wasn’t enough, every time we met, he wanted to get physically intimate. One day we had a fight about that and he got upset. I didn’t care in the least. Mr. Physical could also be called Mr. Freeloader. He always wanted to go out, to meet and he never had money. I know he wasn’t working, I understand that situation, but why pressure all my money, especially when I don’t like going out a lot. I prefer home dates. I don’t fancy crowds, noise, lots of light and fast food.
I want a man that can depend on me without being dependent. When it’s my time I will pay, or even sometimes when it’s your time. But please don’t try to dry my pocket because I never try to dry yours.
I want a man that’s interested in me on all levels. For everything there is a season. There is a time for physical connection, a time for spiritual, emotional, intellectual, etc bear with me, understand the times. Everything needs to be balanced.
Mr. Just Not The Right One- I connected on a good number of levels with this man. I was more attracted to him than to Mr. Desirable. He was assertive enough with regards to certain things, he had a lot of things going for him except me. I couldn’t make him happy and I didn’t know how to.
I could call him Mr. Procrastinator too. Since I have known him he has had this dream and he started on the path to fulfill it, he is a good way on his way, but he stopped, put it off. Everyday he is going to do this, and nothing. Maybe he is trying but I don’t see it. Early on in the relationship we decided that we would be honest with each other, and he broke the promise, he discounted my arguments and pretended that all was fine. He was preparing the way. He made me feel desirable, like I was this sexy person even when I felt like a dowdy person.
I want a man who will be more action than talk, when it relates to his dreams.
I want a man that is not ashamed of me.
I want a man that will make me feel sexy.
My Constant – My constant is my dearest friend. He knows me the most; he is so attuned to my moods, my reactions, my opinions. I can depend on him in anything. That’s why I call him my constant. He supports me in everything. And support doesn’t only mean he says stands behind/beside me. He tells me when I am wrong, and when he thinks I am doing foolishness. He is lots of times my sounding board. He defends me when I am not there to defend myself. He is not perfect. But he is my best friend.
My Sounding Board- this person is my non-biological brother. He gives good advice, helps me get over my miserable-ness. He is not as dependable as My Constant but he serves his purpose well. He is an extra-ordinary person. He holds well to his values and standards and makes it easier for me to hold on too.
I want a man that will be My Constant- my best friend, my Number 1 Fan, my supporter and my voice of reason.
I want a man to be My Sounding Board- to listen to my problems and hair brained schemes and give me advice.
My Fire Stick- that can be looked at two ways, but this is what I mean. In church we are advised not to look at the number of persons at the services, but come with a heart prepared to worship, to bring your little fire so we all can make a great big fire for the Lord. I want a man that can be there for me spiritually, motivate me to serve God more, not that I am not serving him, but I can do better, and my man must be so connected with God that we create a big blaze together. I have a weird, but special connection with my constant, we know each other well, we can feel each other know how the other will react many times, I want my fire stick’s spirit, soul to touch mine, we can be attuned to each other spiritually. I want a Holy Ghost Fire Connection. This is a very important part of my life partner requirements, and I have said no to permanent relationships because of lack of this, but I know God will provide.
My Lift Off- I want a man to be my lift off. I mean, when I am sad he must be able to cheer me up.
My Haven/ Harbour- After everything, my long day, the cares, turmoil of life, the rough seas, I want somewhere to be safe from everything. I want the my man’s arms to be my haven. (Haven not Heaven – there is a difference)
There are other things in each person, but I just pick out the ones I think are more important. And none of these individuals are perfect, they all have their faults, there are many things about them that I don’t fancy, but there are many things I admire.
Persons who have read this have said that I seek an impossible dream, but I have told God what I desire, I have asked Him to add as He sees fit and he assures me that He will provide the ideal person for me with His specifications and mine. My friends, if you didn’t know, let me inform you; With God, ALL things are possible.
